So after a play I was in the cast for, we all went to a cast party to hang out. We were there pretty late. And I have officially discovered that when the time passes, even if I am as sober as can be, I will seem, act, and talk like I am intoxicated. And I guess it's somewhat funny, but it frightens me to when I will actually come to the point where I will be able to consume alcohol freely and will get completely plastered. Point aside there was some strange going ons at this party.
First, there was a boy. There always is. It's high school. But this boy I've known for a while. And even though some stuff happened that should not make me forgive and forget. But I did. And when I was there, just to see the way he looked at me, killed me inside. The thing is, this dieing wasn't bad, it was the euphoric rush you feel when you see that person that you have interest in. The rush to the face. The numbness of the fingers. The slight loss of breathe. The high you get from romance... I knew to keep my guard up around him even though we are "cool", but somewhere along the way, that guard went on break for a little bit, and we obviously flirted for a while. I would endearingly condescend him while he would find a way to touch my knee or my back. As he left I realized. I like him. I never stopped. I was angry for what he said and the way he acted. But I liked him the entire time. He left and I was somewhat upset that I didn't leave with him (as he left with a group of mutual friends). I wanted to make the moment entirely cliche' and run down into his arms, but I realized, what if he is just trying to mess with me, I wouldn't put it entirely past him. This, of course, made me angry and made me think. While this entire shenanigans was occurring, one of my dearest friends, was in the exact situation I was in. With a different boy.
Now the thought is, "take the chance on him". I would, I really would, but theres a catch. Yup. Another boy. Now this one is relatively new, he goes to SOTA, and is the sweetest thing that could walk the Earth, he is adorable in every way. This aside I'm not entirely sure on how I feel about him. I like him, but I don't. There are some things that throw me off kilter of the date-o-meter. He ask's me some strange things and seems to dig for compliments. I don't know how I would do with him romantically. I really don't.
Anyway, this friend and I were laying on the carpet in front of the elevator (where these two boys just left), and we're talking about our feelings and sorrows. She said "lets go on a walk". We run downstairs and walk outside, in the pouring down rain. We continue out and she looks around quickly to see if the group was still there, they were not. We cross the street and up the street comes one single car, with this boy in it." Yes!" she must have thought, and for a moment I though that she was gonna jump into the car. But alas, just a smile and a wave. We continued down the street, turning the corner and proceeding into the parking garage of the nearby school. And there I see, the Toyota Camry that I remember so well. I see it and somewhat want to jump into it, and wait for him to return. Because he is elsewhere with other friends. But, alas, I didn't. We went up one more level to the tennis courts and just wait there, listening to the sound of the rain pittering on the tennis courts while discussing our problems. Suddenly she said "he really liked you". Kind of making it sound like I was the one who broke it off. "I really liked him, I still really like him." And then we spilled about what would happen if it was a perfect world and a typical teen romance movie. And made our way back to the apartment.
When we arrived once more, I saw my other wonderful friend and we proceeded to go inside. We went to a large closet where we could fit many a people. We sit and talk, and eventually the girls leave, which leaves three gays remaining. I lay my head on one guy, who is someone I have a minuscule amount of history with, but we're more of friends. We talk in that closet for the next 2 or 3 hours. This guy and I got quite touchy feel-y. Nothing big happened, but we did connect, for he is having a weird love life as well. After many a different topics I eventually leave at 3 a.m. And am sitting here writing this post and re-thinking about my night last night. And it may seem like I had the worst time, but I loved it. It was the best time I have had in a very, very long time.
