How odd.

Love never disappears. There are so many examples of this. Like my drunk mother letting my screwed up brother back into the house. Like someone who never stops loving another although they have broken their heart broken numerous times. Like the constant couple who will get back together and break up and repeat the process like it is labeled on a shampoo bottle. These types of people annoy me, so much. Even though I am one of these, that part of me annoys me. I just wanna curl up into a tiny little ball and die. Every day of my life I am reminded that I am completely alone. I really don't want someone, I NEED someone. But nothing is going on, ever. I just need to wait a while, but I've been waiting forever. Ugh. God. I've just become so bitter and I hate it. And I want to change, believe me reader, I really do, but I just can't. There's nothing I can do. Self mutilation is so unsatisfying...... I'm kidding. I think I just have to realize there isn't anything I can do, and the sooner I realize that, the more comfortable I will become with having to be asexual, because who wants this piece of desperate meat?

With love....I guess,
Me

I stand here...

Not knowing what to write about, just knowing that I need to write. I try to pour all my feelings onto this page but at can be difficult sometimes. Can I tell you secret? Well, I no longer feel comfortable in my own house? Is this normal for someone at my age? Is this just a phase, or is this a special situation that I need to realize is unique to me and I need to adjust accordingly? I have no idea. And truly. It scares the living hell out of me. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so powerless and weak. I am not in control and thats terrifying. I want so bad;y to be able to predict the outcome of this situation but I am not able to. I really just hope that I am able to come out stronger and uninjured. Hopefully. I'm begging to talk to an upper being. Looking for guidance. Not God. It still doesn't have a name. Or a gender. I don't know. I just don't. But I need to find out here pretty quickly. Like, soon. I need something set in stone that I can rely on.

With constant love and commotion,
Me

Untitled

I'm confused, about several things. Several things, I don't even know how to express them! Honestly. Oh well, it's whatever. My life is at a stand still, nothing exciting is happening. St. Patrick's day is tomorrow, and thats about it. I wish I had my license so I could do something exciting to potentially lose it. I have no idea why I'm even writing this, who is listening?! No one! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!! I just need a grip. I also need a new lifestyle. You want to know how superficial I am? I get next to no text messages a day and it pisses me off. Honestly, I wish I had some random person to just talk to, I have one person I just text ALL the time, and bless her heart. But I mean, I would like to text someone else once in a while, instead of Eva. I love her so so so so so so so so much, but I'm sure she gets annoyed when I text nobody but her. Oh well, my sorrows certainly don't matter that much. Moving on, but of course, there is nothing to move on to, stand still...remember? Goodness I need to stop bitching.

With neutral, unchanging love,

Me

Well...

It's been a while, hasn't it? I apologize. Life has been somewhat hectic. The play is over, yay/nay. I will miss it and am glad it's in the past. Again, another cast party. And of course, drama. Except this one was kind of far fetched, remember the boy I got all comfy with last time? Well, I invited him to this cast party (the host being his ex-boyfriend), to 1. avoid the host, and 2. catch up with him. Well, the plan worked, somewhat. The host eventually cornered me and we had an AWKWARDDDD conversation. I appreciate his determination, but it was just terribly awkward. Afterwards, I left with the friend, and we hung out a little bit, spoke a little, and just vented overall. I thoroughly enjoyed the evening. To say the least. I just wanted to check in with you, all you four followers *pageant wave*, I PROMISE I will be here more often, because I have noticed, when I don't blog, I get insanely frustrated. So it's not only for you, it's mostly for me. Oh well.
Love,
Me