Understanding

This week wasn't a large struggle for me, I went to school, went to rehearsal then went to a club meeting today that made me want to gauge out my eyes. I lived with this week and semi-enjoyed it. Two friends didn't have such a good week. Both of them are wonderful, funny, beautiful friends I met at school. One friend, who confided her problem in me first, was about her relationship, a very rocky one, but overall an admirable one. The second one, happened only today, she had a relative (a close one I would assume) pass. Both of these two friends I felt extremely empathetic for. Even though I had neither of these occurrences effect me. I still felt for them. Why can't people understand other people's problems even if they haven't been through them, you can still feel for them. People say you wouldn't understand, yeah right, I bet I can relate or at least hug you and make you feel loved. I have so much respect for the people who know the person their talking to won't have a clue in hell what they are talking about, but they still cough it up and see what they can say. I like to think I am one of these people, because I know how much it pisses me off! Anyways, I know there are some people who can understand pain without having to have that pain, this I am supremely jealous for, they can offer the best advice without having to concoct the advice through pain themselves. And there are the people who pretend they understand but really don't and try to lie and say they do, these people also annoy me. A lot of people annoy me, a lot. Besides the point, I would like to thank these two young women for trusting me enough as a friend and person to tell me these bits of information, it truly makes me feel that I can help people, even in small ways, like hugging a friend after her grandma has past, or telling a friend you love her after you get a text saying "He broke up with me.". It truly lets me think that I am doing something right in this world at that moment in time.

Downfalls

I will probably get no sleep tonight. That's okay. I will probably get no homework done. That's okay. I probably won't eat today. That's okay. I probably will smile only a few times today. I will cry over him today. That's not okay.
Much, much, much, much has happened since I last posted in November. Do I regret anything that's happened? No, not at all. Do I regret how it ended (meaning how I let it end)? You betcha sweet ass I do. I accomplished a lot in a short period of time. I was surprised with my success and the speediness of my life. I mean, honestly, I was asked to a dance, had a "boyfriend", felt good about life, and put trust into somebody. All these different things had there own downfall.
To begin:
1) The dance was kind of the begining of it all, the start of the drifting where I could feel him lose interest, and it's kind of like a bad car crash, you really want to look away, but you really can't. Believe me, I had the best time of my life at this dance, I felt like I belonged with his friends, but I felt that he didn't want me there.
2)I thought we were together, I was so completely wrong. So, so, so, wrong. I later figured out that he may have told a few lies just to please me. Which is okay, I guess, people lie.
3)I still feel okay about life, I'm not having the desire to die any time soon. But I feel that the quality of my life is so terrible now. He has a new guy that has already given him a hickey the size of a small celestial body. It just pisses me off and makes me feel so useless and unloved that someone could treat me that way and treat someone else the same way within weeks of each other.
4)It took me quite some time to put trust in to this guy. I don't think I will be able to trust someone so easily again. I really would be okay if I didn't have to trust anyone new again.

These were the downfalls, now, according to my best friend Newton, what goes up, must come down. But what about shit going down? Does that come back up?

See how much tension I have? Too much... Oh well, I'll be okay, this helped. But FUCK, I need to get laid.