How odd.

Love never disappears. There are so many examples of this. Like my drunk mother letting my screwed up brother back into the house. Like someone who never stops loving another although they have broken their heart broken numerous times. Like the constant couple who will get back together and break up and repeat the process like it is labeled on a shampoo bottle. These types of people annoy me, so much. Even though I am one of these, that part of me annoys me. I just wanna curl up into a tiny little ball and die. Every day of my life I am reminded that I am completely alone. I really don't want someone, I NEED someone. But nothing is going on, ever. I just need to wait a while, but I've been waiting forever. Ugh. God. I've just become so bitter and I hate it. And I want to change, believe me reader, I really do, but I just can't. There's nothing I can do. Self mutilation is so unsatisfying...... I'm kidding. I think I just have to realize there isn't anything I can do, and the sooner I realize that, the more comfortable I will become with having to be asexual, because who wants this piece of desperate meat?

With love....I guess,
Me

I stand here...

Not knowing what to write about, just knowing that I need to write. I try to pour all my feelings onto this page but at can be difficult sometimes. Can I tell you secret? Well, I no longer feel comfortable in my own house? Is this normal for someone at my age? Is this just a phase, or is this a special situation that I need to realize is unique to me and I need to adjust accordingly? I have no idea. And truly. It scares the living hell out of me. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so powerless and weak. I am not in control and thats terrifying. I want so bad;y to be able to predict the outcome of this situation but I am not able to. I really just hope that I am able to come out stronger and uninjured. Hopefully. I'm begging to talk to an upper being. Looking for guidance. Not God. It still doesn't have a name. Or a gender. I don't know. I just don't. But I need to find out here pretty quickly. Like, soon. I need something set in stone that I can rely on.

With constant love and commotion,
Me

Untitled

I'm confused, about several things. Several things, I don't even know how to express them! Honestly. Oh well, it's whatever. My life is at a stand still, nothing exciting is happening. St. Patrick's day is tomorrow, and thats about it. I wish I had my license so I could do something exciting to potentially lose it. I have no idea why I'm even writing this, who is listening?! No one! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!! I just need a grip. I also need a new lifestyle. You want to know how superficial I am? I get next to no text messages a day and it pisses me off. Honestly, I wish I had some random person to just talk to, I have one person I just text ALL the time, and bless her heart. But I mean, I would like to text someone else once in a while, instead of Eva. I love her so so so so so so so so much, but I'm sure she gets annoyed when I text nobody but her. Oh well, my sorrows certainly don't matter that much. Moving on, but of course, there is nothing to move on to, stand still...remember? Goodness I need to stop bitching.

With neutral, unchanging love,

Me

Well...

It's been a while, hasn't it? I apologize. Life has been somewhat hectic. The play is over, yay/nay. I will miss it and am glad it's in the past. Again, another cast party. And of course, drama. Except this one was kind of far fetched, remember the boy I got all comfy with last time? Well, I invited him to this cast party (the host being his ex-boyfriend), to 1. avoid the host, and 2. catch up with him. Well, the plan worked, somewhat. The host eventually cornered me and we had an AWKWARDDDD conversation. I appreciate his determination, but it was just terribly awkward. Afterwards, I left with the friend, and we hung out a little bit, spoke a little, and just vented overall. I thoroughly enjoyed the evening. To say the least. I just wanted to check in with you, all you four followers *pageant wave*, I PROMISE I will be here more often, because I have noticed, when I don't blog, I get insanely frustrated. So it's not only for you, it's mostly for me. Oh well.
Love,
Me

Hmm....

I've been heckled to do a new post. But what to write about? If you look to my previous posts, most of them are melancholy with a touch of hate. Now, I have a slightly satisfiable life. I can honestly say that when I sing in the shower, I sing happy songs instead of gushy love songs wishing I was in a certain situation. I go on everyday with a genuine smile on my face. I had a pretty bad experience a couple days back where I was beat up pretty badly, but I realized, I have amazing friends to go to who would not hesitate to help me, and I am so lucky for these relationships. Thank you one and all for your caring, and I hope that I am able to be as kind to you.
So I'm going to go on smiling, and not let anyone rain on my parade. Sorry, I was just watching Funny Girl.
Now if you excuse me, I need to go look at this weeks Post Secrets.

Sincerely with love,
Me

Why I am vegetarian:

- Livestock consumes 70 percent of U.S. grain production. Twenty million people die each year as a result of malnutrition and starvation. Americans could feed 100,000,000 people by reducing their intake of meat by 20 percent.

-One acre of prime land can produce many pounds of edible product. Here are a few examples:
>30,000 pounds of apples
>40,000 pounds of potatoes
>50,000 pounds of tomatoes
>250 pounds of beef

-Livestock- cattle, poultry, goats, sheep- totaling 15 billion worldwide now outnumber people three to one. Livestock graze on half of the world's mass. The explosion of livestock populations has resulted in a parallel explosion of animal wastes that pollute surface and ground water. U.S. livestock produce 230,000 pounds of excrement per second. The amount of waste created by a 10,000-head feed lot is equal to the waste of a city of 110,000 people.

-World livestock production is now a significant factor in the emission of two of the four global warming gases: carbon dioxide and methane. Every steak we eat ha the same effect as a 25-mile drive in a typical American car.

-Each year, an estimated 125,000 square miles off rainforest are permanently destroyed, bringing about the extinction of approximately 1,000 plant and animal species.

-Producing 1 pound of feedlot steak results in the loss of 35 pounds of topsoil. It takes 200 to 1,000 years to form one inch of topsoil.

-It takes 2,500 gallons of water to produce 1 edible pound of beef. It takes 49 gallons of water to produce 1 edible pound of apples.

-Eighty percent of the meat produced in the United States contains drugs that are passed on to you when you eat it.

-Animal products contain large quantities of saturated fat and cholesterol and have no dietary fiber. The U.S. surgeon general has stated that 68 percent off all diseases are diet related. A diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and grains (and free of animal products) can prevent, improve, and sometimes cure breast cancer, osteoporosis, prostate cancer, impotence and obesity.

-Seventy-five percent of federal poultry inspectors say they would not eat chicken

Answered Prayers

I know, how terribly cliche`. But I honestly have no other way to explain it. When leaving my friends house at around 3 a.m., the key to my van stuck in the tumbler, causing the car not to start, this occasionally happens but usually fixes itself within a few minutes. Well this time, it wasn't working, and after about 8 minutes of struggling, I finally took the key out and held it in my hand, closed my eyes and whispered "Please, please, please, help. Please." I breathe out and stuck the key into the ignition once again, and the car started, I nearly jumped for joy. While driving down the street, I say "Thank you, whoever 'you' are". I don't know if this was divine intervention or coincidence, but I felt pretty relieved. And left me curious whose up there, and what they think and how they choose what prayers to answer, if that is even what happened.